I’d like to comment on the penis washing topic. I must be old school because I clean my entire body in the shower every morning and before I go to bed. That hand sanitizer thing sounds like that person who was using it on his penis several times a day has some issues. They were probably caused by his mother. The alcohol in the hand sanitizer would probably burn the skin off his penis if he used it after sex or really hard rubbing. I’d suggest him to break that habit.
I don’t think I’d like some man’s genital warts going in and out of my mouth. That sounds horrible; and I certainly wouldn’t want those things to start growing on my lips or tongue. Yekk.
I’m already thinking of a winter vacation with you. We’ll talk soon for details.
Tootsie Pop I’ll take you up on that offer for this winter coming. If you really want to spend a few months up here like you said before I’ll purchase the tickets online for you. Think about it.
Hi Bill, how would you like me to come up to Alaska and scrub something for you? LOL
How did you come up with this topic today of how many times a man scrubs his balls? I’d rather hear some juicy women’s issues.
Three inches when I’m not excited.
Hey Marvin how long is it?
I use soap and water a couple of times a day. That other thing with hand sanitizer is insane.
Hey Fran, maybe next time you’ll look before you leap. I check a man’s privates up and down with a light on before I engage in anything.
My father abandoned us when I was four years old. My mother had me and my two sisters to bring up by herself.
I suppose your mother had your father do this too?
My mother used to put a small bottle of hand sanitizer in my pocket when I would got to school. She told me there are two things to keep clean throughout the day, your hands and your penis. Then it just became a habit.
Chango, why the hell are you using hand sanitizer on your schlong for? Are you crazy?
Fran, that’s a serious issue. His genital warts can spread to your lips and tongue. I had a girlfriend that got them on her lips. It’s a disease called HPV that causes them.
I wash my penis every day. I also use a hand sanitizer on it throughout the day. Purell is good and so is Germ-X. You can get them in the really small pocket size at Walgreens.
I’d like to ask Evena for some advice. Evena, last night my boyfriend and I went to bed and we started to fool around. I started to do oral sex on him and felt scraping on my lower lip. When I looked at his penis to see what it was from I found a large genital wart part way down the shaft. I was shocked. It wasn’t there a week ago. What do you think? Is he cheating on me with some diseased girl? Can a man get something like this from something else like from not washing his penis enough? That’s what he told me. I don’t believe him. What do you think?
I use KY Love Passion. It’s fragrance alone is enough to arouse anyone.
I use a gel for a different reason and this stuff really works. It’s called Aichun Beauty Vagina Shrinking Tightening Gel. This stuff is amazing and has herbal extracts in it also. I just wanted to put this information out.
I use Liquid Silk and I use LuvButter too. Both are really good and makes things go easy.
Bessie, don’t worry about it. You’ll enjoy!
Bessie, get some lubrication. I use Durex Play and it also warms. There are a lot of others out there. Walgreens and CVS carry them.
Open wide for Chunky
Bessie, If you don’t open up and give him all when you’re in bed together starting tonight I believe your marriage and relationship is completely over. I would suggest separate rooms until your husband moves out.
I think Jill, Kadejah and Shiksa Smoozer are right. Bessie should do things to please her husband in bed. No matter what he wants to do. The exercise alone will do her good.
Bessie needs to smoke a spliff before going to bed. Then when her hubby stuffs his butt plug up her pooper it might even feel good.
Bessie, quit being a schmo. Take his shmeckle and nosh on it a little. You just might like it.
I’ve just been a silent member on Shitzel.com but tonight I have to say something to Bessie. You’re lucky to still have a husband at your age or in fact any age. A good man isn’t that easy to come by. I think you should at least take care of your husband’s needs by using your hand. He really deserves more. Maybe you should take your dentures out and take care of him a little better. Remember he just lost his girlfriend. That was the one doing everything you were supposed to do.
Age is just a number.
Hey Bessie, you believe in miracles? Because it’s a miracle anyone would want to tap that.
Nothing is nasty if you and your husband are still in love.
I need advice from Evena. My husband’s mistress recently died and now he’s coming to me thinking I’m going to do the nasty with him again. She was doing all those things for him for the past twenty years thank God because I’m not up to that kind of thing anymore. The last few nights he’s been sliding over to me when I’m sleeping and trying to do what those other ladies were talking about. I’ve never done it that way in my life. What do I do?
Pat, I want you to spend a little money which will turn out to be an investment. Shop around on-line and buy a set of 14K gold split heart friendship necklaces. Give her this as a gift during your lunch break. Open the box in front of her and put one around her neck and then the other around yours. Then give her one kiss and both of you get back to work. She’ll be thinking of you the rest of the day and I know they will be some very nice thoughts. Probably even some fantasizing.
Evena, this new friend is a girl. I’m a girl too but I mostly really feel like a boy. I always have even when I was little. The girl at work knows I’m a girl too.
Pat, I need to ask a couple of questions. Is this person at your job a man or a woman? I see you referred to this new friend as “they”. I also need to know if you’re a woman or a man. The answers are going to help me give you the right advice. It was hard for me to know just by looking at your picture.
Evena, I would like your advice please. I met someone at work. They are a new hire employee and have been at the store a week now. I really like this person and they seem to like me. She shares lunch with me every day. They even kissed me on the lips once and that was yesterday. It was in the lunchroom and we were the only people in there at the time. How can I get this to go a little further. I really like this person. I might even be falling in love. I feel really tingly when we get close to each other. Please let me know what to do next.
I mean Margaritaville’s tongue.
That sounds good.
Hey Maragaritaville, I could use a tongue like yours for my ass.
I certainly wouldn’t mind being the girlfriend also. Go Girl, with me as your girlfriend you’d never want or need a man. I’ve got a magic tongue just for you and it’s like the Energizer Bunny!
I wouldn’t mind being the girlfriend.
You girls are really making me crazy tonight just thinking about it.
Snowed in for the winter sounds sensual. If I had a nice man and a girlfriend I think I wouldn’t mind.
Bill, we will definitely talk about this more.
I love snow skiing.
Tootsie Pop, I would love to have you up here for the winter.
I live in Hollywood, Florida. We’re really far apart. I might seriously consider coming up there for one winter and maybe we can get snowed in for the duration. I bet you and I would never get bored. Plus I’ve never seen snow before. I think it would be exciting.
I’m in Juneau, Alaska.
Bill you seem like a sweet guy even with that beard. What city do you live in? Maybe we’re neighbors.
Tootsie Pop, I’d love to be the right man at the right time.
This is reserved only for the right man and at the right time. I admit I fantasize about it a lot but only indulge maybe a few times a year.
Once a week or maybe a couple of times a week but I have to be in the right mood and feeling good if you know what I mean.
I like it if it’s done slowly. It’s not something I would want to do everyday. Maybe once a week.
Like I said before, I’m learning a lot from this Shitzel.com. One question though, do girls really like to take it up the wazoo?
I don’t want to sound strange but that whole thing sounded kind of exciting. I don’t know if I would really want to go through that whole ordeal but it sounded kinky.
I’m glad I have plenty of friends.
Sometimes I guess it’s necessary to have to do things to get out of certain situations.
I don’t know what I’d do in a situation like that. That’s scary.
This happened to me a long time ago but as soon as I noticed the date ditched me I snuck out of the restaurant too.
I woulda bit his dick off!
Toni, I have no friends to count on and the restaurant was closing and it was late. I just wanted to get out of that situation so I just did what I had to do. After that I had to walk home which was more than five miles from the restaurant. Luckily a man was driving by and asked if I needed help and took me home.
Cream Puff, Why didn’t you call a friend and borrow the money to pay the bill?
Men are pigs.
I knew it.
Oral and anal and it wasn’t fun.
Cream Puff, I’m curious. What did you have to do?
Man that’s the oldest trick in the book. I remember doing that when I was in High School.
Did the manager make you give oral sex?
My God. What did you have to do?
WTF! I would find that son of a bitch and kick him in the balls.
Evena, I went out on a first date last night with a man I met last week when I was shopping at Walmart. We exchanged cell phone numbers. He called me the next day and asked me out to dinner. He took me to a really nice restaurant called Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. The meal and the wine were fantastic. When we finished eating he excused himself to go to the men’s room. He was in there for twenty minutes when I started to think something happened to him. I was thinking maybe he got sick or something. I waited another ten minutes and then had our waiter go inside the men’s room to see if he was OK. Do you know that the bastard wasn’t in there and his car wasn’t even in the parking lot. This piece of shit left me holding the bag with the check and it was almost $200. I didn’t have any money with me or even a credit card. The manager took me in his office and I had to do some pretty nasty things to clear up the bill. I just wanted everyone to know what happen to me. All of you Shitzel.com members be careful and not let something like this happen to you.
I think in the women’s quirks blog you’ll find out what makes us girls tick. LOL
I’ll never figure em out but I’ll have fun tryin.
I have three sisters and we all grew up together. I always knew how women think.
I’m lucky I found Shitzel.com because I’m just now beginning to find out how women really think. I wish I knew some of this stuff thirty years ago.
Gretta that was horrible what you went through. I wouldn’t mind doing that morning thing you were doing for your fiancé for my boyfriend. But everyday?
Gretta, you’re a strong girl.
That must have been a mess to clean up each morning. I use Arm & Hammer Clean Burst laundry detergent for messes like that. It traps the mess in the wash water and doesn’t redeposit it back on the sheets.
Well today is day three of the solution to the problem plan. Two days in a row I started to do you know what on my fiancé. Each time about five or ten minutes into doing it I made myself gag and vomited all over him in the bed. This was day three and I can tell you that when he woke up this morning he didn’t wake me up as usual. He just got up and got ready for work. He was still nice to me and kissed me goodbye when he left. So now I can tell you all the plan did work. I’ll keep you posted.
Hope it works.
Don’t want to say but it’s worse than that. I’m going to go ahead with the plan and I’ll let you know if it worked.
Girl you have to do what you have to do to end that morning nightmare. Was he holding your head or was it worse than that? He took advantage of a good thing.
I’m scared to vomit. I don’t even like thinking about it. But I’ll try to do this at least once and see what happens.
Hi Gretta. Sorry for the late answer for the solution to your problem. That one was a little tough. I saw the other suggestions from some of the Shitzel.com members and actually they weren’t too far off. You’re going to have to make him a little uncozy and do something negative to make him relate to when he’s thinking about his daily “you know what” service you’ve been providing for him. I suggest you make yourself gag while doing this enough to make yourself throw up on him. It sounds horrible but if you want him to stop looking forward to this morning service you’ve been providing you’ll have to do it. Multiple times if necessary.
This sure was becoming a boring Sunday till I got on Shitzel.com.
Scent is a big factor for a girl being attracted to another girl.
This advice is for Margaritaville. I suggest you start with buying some new outfits that younger women are wearing these days. Things that are in fashion right now. Also what perfume you are using is a factor in who you’re attracting. Check out what’s hot and what’s not. There are specific pheromones that you can add to your perfume that could drive these younger women wild and have them paying more attention to you when you approach them.
Bill, Margaritaville is what we used to refer to as a carpet muncher. She must really enjoy young carpets. I always say to each there own. Luzzem.
I don’t get it. Why the hell is Margaritaville looking for young women?
I wouldn’t go down on Margaritaville even with Pat’s tongue.
I don’t think age matters if two people want to be friends.
I meant a girlfriend.
Oy vey. Kick it Up you’re acting like a fercockt altercocker. I used to have a boyfriend like you when I was a teenager.
I hate men like Kick it Up.
Hey Prunesville, try getting those young chicks drunk before you hit on em. If that doesn’t work there’s always Ruffies.
Try vaginal rejuvenation surgery and quit wastin away again in Margaritaville.
Evena, I seem to be attracted toward women much younger than myself but they don’t seem interested. There are several women around my age that want to get together with me but they don’t excite me at all. How can I get younger women to be attracted to me and not get stuck on an age issue?
Good advice. One good scrape and he won’t be coming back for more.
She could use her teeth a little bit.
Hey Kick it Up, Kick it Down a little bit. Gretta has a problem so let her get some advice from Evena.
Gretta, do you spit or swallow?
Sounds like a problem.
Evena, I have a sexual relations problem with my fiancé. We live together and things are really good between us except for one thing. He’s now used to getting oral sex from me every morning when he wakes before he gets out of bed. I’ve been doing this for him for over a year now. I don’t mind doing this but his aggressiveness now when I’m doing it is getting to be a little too much. I don’t want to lose him because we’re getting married in December.
This answer is for Keke. Women that have two boyfriends are usually playing with fire. With roles reversed and a man that has more than one girlfriend, this could at worst lead to a cat fight between the women. But with a woman juggling two boyfriends, this could lead to a murder suicide. My advice is to wean yourself off of one of your boyfriends and let him fade away.
Evena bubala, I love Shitzel.com and love reading all the people’s problems, your advice, and the people’s comments. I love it all including the hair tips and fashion tips. I check the new posts daily and read them while I take my morning coffee.
Hi Pat and welcome to Shitzel.com. I would also like to say hi and to say thank you to all the members of Shitzel.com. Every one of you are now like family. It’s great to hear from all of you. Keke, I haven’t forgoten about your relationship problem with you and your two boyfriends. Your answer will be forthcoming.
Hi everybody. My name is Pat. I’m from Racine, Wisconsin. I just want to say hello and I’m happy I found this blog and became a member. I really like it and find it very interesting. I think I can learn a lot from it. I don’t have any love problems yet. I wish I did because that would mean I’m in love or somebody loves me. Also I want to say hi to Evena.
I always wanted to visit Italy.
I am sorry sir but I live in Milan, Italy. I don’t know much about what you are talking about. I have only been to the United States twice.
Hey Giovanni you wouldn’t happen to know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried?
Dear Evena, I have a very big problem and need your help. I have two boyfriends and I love them both very much. They don’t know about each other and it’s getting harder everyday for me to keep them from finding out about each other. I don’t think I could live without either of them. Each of them loves me and satisfies me in every way possible. What do you think I should do before this whole thing blows up in my face?
Grand Turk is beautiful. I’ve been there five or six times. Very quiet and private and relaxing. There are couple of really nice bed and breakfasts on the island. The water is a gorgeous turquoise green and so warm. They have the biggest and the best fresh caught lobster I have ever eaten.
Giovanni, If your wife doesn’t want to go I’m packed and ready!
Giovanni, the first thing I would not suggest is greeting her when she comes home by standing in back of the door naked. What I do suggest is giving her a gift to remember forever. A quiet relaxing get back to basics vacation like three days in the Turks and Caicos Islands would be a dream come true for her and the perfect 50th anniversary gift.
Evena, I have my 50th anniversary coming up next month and I love my wife just as much now as the day we were married. Can you give me a suggestion as to what I can give her for an anniversary gift for this occasion.
Kadejah, men like surprises. So next time he comes home from work surprise him by standing behind the door naked. When he comes in give him the eye shock of his life. This will definitely liven things up more than they have been in a long time.
Evena, I just found your blog today and love it. It’s really refreshing to see a blog like this that people are talking about real love, sex and relationship issues. This will be a daily read for me.
Evena, could you please help me with a relationship problem I have. My boyfriend and I live together. He’s working two full-time jobs and we rarely have time to relax and make love anymore and I feel we’re drifting apart. Any advice you can give me?
Evena I want to tell you that the castor oil I rubbed on my nipples worked. It soothed the pain and when one of my boyfriends suckled on them he really didn’t like the taste at all. Problem solved.
I didn’t have to go that far but I did get on top. It was kinda fun. I dangled my titties in his face and he wen’t crazy.
Did you sit on his face?
Evena, thank you so much for your advice. I think things are now on the right track with me and my boyfriend.
Hey Bill, Evena is right. Looking like a truck driver from the 1980s isn’t exactly sexy. I bet there’s a nice looking sexy man under that hat, beard, and sunglasses. What Evena said about moustaches is true. They’re sexy as hell.
I have a few recommendations. First get rid of that hat. The beard has to go also. Moustaches are in and I think you would look suave and debonair with one. Those glasses are out too. A woman wants to look into a man’s eyes. When you look at a woman and you want to strike a conversation with her start with a joke and then a compliment. Don’t be afraid to ask for her phone number. If she doesn’t give it, give her a card with your name and number.
I want to get some advice from Evena. My problem is I can’t find a woman to go out with me anymore. This has been going on for over fifteen years now. Women won’t even talk to me in a grocery store. I start a simple conversation and they either laugh or pretend they don’t hear me.
Lakeetha, you have something going on there that’s not good. Either your husband is doing premature ejaculation in his underwear or he’s not cleaning himself very well after he finishes cheating on you. I would recommend that you put him under surveillance by a good Private Investigator and find out what he’s really up to.
Evena, those stains are white and almost plaster like. They’re always located in the front inside where his penis and testicles would be .
I get those brown stains occasionally. My mother used to call them skid marks.
Lakeetha, are those brown stains or white stains and where are they located inside his underwear?
This answer is for Cream Puff. Knowledge is power. Don’t dare confront either of them till you know exactly what’s going on. Get a good Private Investigator and get some proof. Once you know exactly what’s up then I’ll let you know how to proceed. This way you can keep your man if you want and still not create a family disaster.
Evena, I’ve been thinking my husband is cheating also. When I do the laundry I’ve been seeing stains in his underwear. What should I do?
Evena, I think my man is cheating on me with my baby sister but I can’t prove it. What should I do? Confront them?
Been there. Done that.
Twin Peaks, If you really want to discourage men from suckling your breasts which is probably the cause of making your nipples so sore, I recommend you rub castor oil on your nipples just before getting cozy with a man.
Get a sign that says look but don’t touch.
I got some special cream I make that you can rub on them.
Evena I want to ask a personal question. My nipples get sore easy and it hurts when men, you know, suck on them. They think it makes me feel good but I hate it. Is there something I can put on them to make them less sensitive?
Hey Toni I’m available for dinner any night of the week.
Toni, the first thing to do is buy a new perfume. One I would recommend for you is Gardenia by Jovan. It’s going to intoxicate him. Then cook your husband some spicy conch creole for dinner. All he can eat, and don’t go easy on the hot peppers. Spray some of that perfume on in all the right places and he will tear you apart in bed that night.
Find a good plastic surgeon.
Evena please try to help me. I feel like my husband doesn’t even pay attention to me. He rarely even kisses me. What can I do to make him want to get close to me again.
Hey Precious, I wouldn’t mind if you did that to me.
Evena is right. You have to take control and make him do what you want. Lay him down and get on him and take control. Sit on his face if you have to.
I almost got into the same situation. I was giving him too much of a good thing and he like got hooked on it.
Swenthia you really need to try to become the woman on top. Get on top of him and take control girl. Use your other gifts the right way and your problem is solved.
Evena, I’m kinda embarrassed to ask your advise but I’m gonna anyway. I do anything my boyfriend asks as far as sex because I love him very much and want him to be happy. Lately he’s been only doing anal sex on me and sometimes it even hurts bad but I let him anyway. How can I get him to just do this once in a while instead?
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